What's for Dinner?

Basically, I am like the Ghetto Sandra Lee. I should totally have my own cooking show, "The Ghetto Sandra Lee" and if she even tried to sue me for ::quote fingers:: infringement I would be all, "Shut your dirty mouth, Mustache, before I clock you with one of your many colored Kitchen Aid stand mixers, because OMG, woman, if you have enough money to buy the most expensive pre-packaged food bits and serve it in vintage matchy kitchy Fiestaware, and enough time to worry about whether or not your fancy Kitchen Aid stand mixer goes with today's curtains, then LET ME TELL YOU, LADY, you also have enough time and money to make it the. long. way.

I however, usually glance over at the oven clock at about 5:30 and figure the other things in my house are going to be hungry enough to eat me in approximately 15 minutes, whip open the cupboards to see that we are pretty much out of food and all the dishes are dirty.

*sigh*

So I am going to start sharing my fast fix ghetto sandra lee recipes and I am going to tell you right now to just serve it on paper plates.

First Up?

Chili (Effing)* Frito Pie
*the pseudo expletive is necessary because EVERYBODY is excited on "Chili Frito Pie Night".

So, feel free to make your own chili, steam your own rice, grate your own cheese.
Be fancy.
It isn't a contest unless it's a chili cookoff and I didn't declare one so...

Here's your checklist

1 can of vegetarian chili
1 can of dark red kidney beans
1 onion (diced)
olive oil
minced garlic (mine is in a jar)
2 bags 90 second rice
grated cheese
sour cream
bag of Fritos Scoops.

Do you know you can buy microwavable rice and it is done in 90 seconds?
It is like space food or something but I started buying it in the RV and it is AWESOME.

The canned stuff makes it ghetto. The sauteed onions and garlic in olive oil make it Sandra Lee. Seriously. If you sautee onions and garlic in olive oil (which when you buy them by the bags, hello, cheap) *wink* and add it to a.ny.thing, you are a cooking genius. Not only do you fill the house with an aroma that makes your family insist in fond memory that "Mom really knew how to cook", but you gives it an instant *UPGRADE* without breaking your bank.

(Does anyone else picture that stupid Beyonce commercial when they hear upgrade? Because I totally start singing it and head bopping. I can totally dance like Beyonce. When I say *UPGRADE* all of that goes with it.)

Anyhoo.
I use a big saucepan and do the garlic/onion/oil thing and when they are looking nice and tender, I slop those cans of chili and beans in that same pan. So that's only 1 pan that is going to crust over in our sink throughout the night.

Stir.

Nuke the rice.
Or cook it. Whatever. It's rice, so it is pretty easy.
But that's another pot to clean.
And lurk in the sink overnight.

Is anyone hearing what I am really trying to say here?
::side glance::

I don't currently have a dishwasher.
And I didn't marry one.

Badum.PUM.

Anyway that is it for the pie, for the most part.

it goes on the plate in this order:
rice
chili
cheese
spoonful of sour cream
rooster sauce or whatever YOU like
Fritos Scoops all around your pretty pile of "alternative nacho" delight.

Hey add meat if you want to, I don't have anything against that. I just don't like canned meat and didn 't have time or the groceries.


Wash your hands, kiddos, and get ready to lick your fingers! Nummy!

*recipe courtesy of my Dad in the good old days when we lived in Section 8 housing on welfare. Well, that is how I tell it. Thanks Dad! It's still delicious!

Boom Boom's Dream Girl

So, one day when we were living in Tahoe, Boom Boom woke up from the wierdest dream.
Or was it?

Imagine, pillow talk - it must have been awhile ago...

BB: So I had this dream that we went to the ski hill, I think we were in Canada, and we were in line, (blah blah blah this is where I should mention that I have a "condition" and Boom Boom talks alot and I tend to tune him out. But the gist of this part of the dream is, something about money, and we were arguing our ticket price or something.)

me: Typical.

BB: ...and this girl is behind us, and she pipes in some sort of opinion on our matter, as if it has anything to do with her, and you turn to her and call her out, saying "Hey mustache! Nobody asked you!"

me: So, in your dream, I totally called some lady "Mustache?" and then was gonna fight her?

BB: Yup.

me: THAT is what you think of me?

BB: Yup.

me: That's just HAWT.

BB: Yup.

me: I am totally gonna start calling random people "Mustache".

BB: I thought you'd like that.

Oh you have NO IDEA, buddy. Why didn't I ever think of that?

10 months

Lawdy Lawdy ya'll. Where on earth does the time go? I mean, it went fast with Madee, but this one - this one has grown up in the blink of a twinkly little eye.

Her cuteness gets lost in the chaos of the house sometimes. I feel bad that she doesn't get all the space in the world to explore since Madee the Guerilla Gestapo is always shutting her down, confiscating fun stuff to play with, dishing out all these rules that apply to her.

And then she grabs a handful of Madee's hair in her kung fu grip and blah blah blah the apocalypse, time outs and back to poops and giggles.

It is about a 3 minute process but feels like about 3 days.

Sister fights are effing nutty.
Lucky girls!
At 10 months, she is crawling like lightening, cruising furniture, scaling stairs and hills and yesterday there was almost a delicious encounter with a dog turd.

Hello, baby. Pink eye much?
Thank GAWD I caught her in time.
Gah.

Yesterday she ended up in various states of undress, sporting the leopard mini and a bow ala Pebbles Flintstone.
I died 5 times right there.
Seriously, who just channels the Pebs without even knowing who "The Flintstone's" is?
And she's also very BamBam.
Seriously.
Don't get too close.
She will literally beat the crap out of you.

And charm you at the same time.
(She gets that from MY SIDE of the family!)

We went to the gym today for preschool open gym and She was ALL OVER everything. crawling, bouncing, dancing, playing with the other kids, walking around gripping my fingers, and she actually attempted some steps on her own.

NO BABY!
Stop growing up!

In related news, I am starting to plan for her 1st birthday.
::frownie::side glance::sniff:: not gonna cry I swear.

I just want it too be super spesh and I would hate for it to sneak up on me like Madee's did.
1.
I die.
It's a good thing my kids are such stinking meanies or I'd be hitting up Boom Boom for another one.

Oh but I know better than that.
Right?


Happy Anniversary shout out to my parents! You guys are the cutest!

Weird Stuff in Duluth: The 'I WANT THAT' edition

First, a picture we both saw and agreed illustrated US.

He's all: Well helll-LOOOOO!
I'm all: :: side eye:: ::blink blink:: ::side eye again::

Anyhoo, we spent date day playing "tourist" in the Canal Park area of Duluth down by LAke Superior. We saw lots and lots of of expensive stuff, and then we also went into an adorable, quirky toy store that really wasn't all that pricey and an antique store called Father Time's. We didn't end up buying anything but we found lots of fun stuff to take pictures of so let's just go ahead and break a little somethin' off for ya right here.

I love Tractors.
nuff said.
Who doesn't need a teensy weensy sock monkey?
I want to pinch it's teensy cheeks.
Cheeky Teensy Monkey.

I used to have a rad "baby" piano almost just like this. It's all of 2 feet high. I can totally see my darlings banging away at those keys and screeching at the top of their lungs. Like adorable little Mozarts. Or Ted Nugents. Why yes, they are talented. Thank you for noticing!

Oh snap! It's Tate and Jayde! Hey dudes! I would totally buy this for your front stoop, ya'll, but I wasn't allowed to spend money that day! But look! I thought it! That still counts, right?

I absolutely fell in love with this piece. I was all, ""Boom Boom! Sqweeee! Can't you just see pictures of Madee and Eden standing on top of that one part of the dresser and looking in the mirror and spinning around like a little jewelry box girl? I can totally picture it! SQWEEEE! THEY WOULD BE SO CUTE!"

Boom Boom was all,"Calm down, lady. THAT'S CRAZY TALK. Is your uterus acting up again? Maybe you need more coffee."

Seriously. I WANT THAT. HARD.

Where does this little Barbie girl's legs go?
Something just seems wrong here, no?
Is she a Corgi? What gives?


Roll over Paula Deen, or whoever your favorite liscensor of all things kitchy kitchen is, because seriously, how button cute is this? It measures in cups. In increments. It stirs. It's nothing less than pure genius. I want it.

And I want all of this. All of it. I know, you're thinking, that isn't even practical.
Who wants a bunch of pitchers and silicone brushes and ramikins.
But it is so pretty! I would probably make so many more pitcherable items if I had these.
And I would also use the hellout of that gravy boat.
But if I could only have 1, I want the red pitcher.
Ooh wait, no. Green.

See? I JUST NEED THEM ALL.

Do you know I have a "thing" about dolls? It's part of my "condition". Dolls superfreak me out.


No, not all dolls. But all of these dolls? You betcha. Take a look below. Why is the blonde one on the left so angry looking? Is that appropriate for a child?

Creepy.
Also the Native American one that is all sad right next to her.
These dolls aren't "cute".

They are like the childhood "friends" of psycho serial killers.


I look at these next couple of pictures, and I'm all, "Who was your newborn photographer and do they like zombie movies?"

::shiver::

I like how Boom Boom showed up in the reflection of the first one.

I was pretty convinced that this one was haunted. Like, what was that, Ghostbusters II or III with the cranky oil painting?

::double shiver::
but kinda I want it.

I think it will serve as inspiration for my next newborn shoot.
Hold really still baby.
Look Mad.
Click.


More cool random vintage kid toys/tractors.
I want a tractor.



Mi amore. (My what BIG TEETH you have!)

Also a very cool beady necklace-y thing, but waaaaaaaaay too much accessory for me to pull off.

And finally, the one thing I would seriously go back for if I had to choose just one thing.
Dahn dantada...

Oh hai, light.
I am still very much in love with you.
I know, you think I would buy you for my daughters.


Oh but no. They can suck it. You are for me!
Be my lover! Illuminate my general area!
You are so prett-eeeeeeeeeee!

Seriously lamp, crawl into my shirt and let's snuggle.

Baby's Dinner : Sweet Potatoes and Bananas

First of all, my little baby Godzilla is sawing logs like a full size man over on the "daybed" which is really just a euphemism for a mattress on the floor in the living room. (I'm Fancy!)

She is SO cute.

She wants food. Like "Hungry Man" sized meals. But she is a baby.
And a lot of times I'm all, "No Baby. No you can't eat that." And she is all, "Too Late. Lady."
Because she only wants it if we are eating it, and no, tasting her food doesn't count - she doesn't want it unless it is what everybody else is having.

But she also has a sensitive little tummy (Ouch!) that makes her SCREAM ALL NIGHT if she eats anything too jazzy so it is kind of a problem.

So check it.


BAM! I know, right?
It's real food.
It's all organic!

apple (diced)
sweet potato (mashed)
rice cereal
a little formula or just water and VIOLA!

I usually gobble it down just as fast as she does and I am pretty sure she notices.

Here's another of her faves...


That rice cereal stuff has Iron in it so she needs it. But who wants to eat it? Bleah. Not me. I think she has also noticed that. So I just whirl it around in whatever I am making her. That last picture is vanilla yogurt, rice cereal, REAL banana, peeled and mashed, and some applesauce.

I can't wait to add spices, but right now we are keeping everything as tasty as bland can get so Tummy doesn't get mad. (We love you, Tummy! Don't hurt Eden!) (And let her (and me! (AND DADDY!)) sleep at night!)


Unh! Those lips! She is poised for a bite-y kiss!

Reclaiming at Least Half the Groove

I didn't get crazy with the haircolor. I seriously considered black and purple ish but I didn't want to look like some old grunge girl.

This isn't about reclaiming my youth, just getting some spring back into my my ever dragging step.

Anyhoo, I picked a color that was just a richer tone of my natch. Loreal, of course. And halfway through applying it I got very nervous.

And after it was done?

Well, I would love to tell you that I walked out of that bathroom and into a world of peace and serenity and mojitos and that the living room was transformed into a pristine jamaican beach land and the kids and the hubs and the dogs had magically turned into hot latino pool boys who couldn't live another second if I didn't have every toe massaged. HEY POOL BOY! FEED MAMA MORE GRAPES!

But, in actuality, none of that happened, but they were all asleep by the time my hair was rinsed, and that was almost as vacation-ey.

And although I would also like to tell you that when I woke up the next morning, the hubs had breakfast made and the kids were quietly playing together, sharing and exchanging with voices that are appropriate for inside, but it was just the same old chaos.

What I CAN tell you, is I spent $9.99 on haircolor, $5.67 on some Mabelline Lash Stiletto, and these glasses? Well I picked them off of the $9 rack at Walmart, and since I already had my prescription, just not my glasses, they cost me a cool $38.45. Topped it all off with some luxurious Maybelline SHINEsensation lipgloss in Cranberry Crave.

The bang trim was free. I did it myself.
And the results?
Ta-DA!

Just not looking at my stupid gray hairs is a huge improvement for my self esteem.
Now I just need some new clothes (I am thinking sundresses and cardigans) and I could probably stand to shave my legs. And paint my toes.

But no time for that now, I am too busy swatting Boom Boom's grabby hands off my badunkadunk.

Feeling halfway there.

That Girl I Used to Be

I found this little baby doll at Walmart the other day.

I bought it for my kids and told them it's name is "Mommy".

Seriously, folks, TRY ME.

***********************************************************

I used to have some style. I think. I mean, it is possible that "crazy redhead" was my style, and even that part of me has become pretty nondescript.

I wasn't the kind of girl who liked to look overdone, but I used to spend a lot on myself.


Time, money, attention, you got it, I just really liked make up and hair and clothes and accessories and SHOES. OH DID I LOVE SHOES. I did my own nails, I had "home spa" days all the time. I had a killer closet filled with stuff I could play dress up in, and also an rack of shorty short skirts and funky tees and tanks and lots of earrings and beady things I wore every day. AND DIDN'T FALL OUT OF

I was funky and original and fun. And cute. And except for an episode or two in my 20's, a wee bit smaller and lighter.


When I found out I was pregnant with Madee, I stopped coloring my hair. I just went all hippie and chemical free, and by the time I had Eden, it was all natch.

Don't get me wrong, my hair color is pretty. (especially the grays:)) I get polite compliments on it all the time, but not the kind of compliments I used to get.

I get, "You look good" as in, "considering your circumstances", and it makes me miss the days that random black guys would turn and say rude stuff to me when I walked by.

When I found out I was pregnant with Eden, I sent all my cute surfer chic teeny skirt little t-shirt clothes to my sisters. Because they were still in college and in Florida, and even still they are cute and teeny and surfer chic so it just made sense.

I had funky glasses and a sweet ass bike. I really miss my old bike. And my short skirts. They kinda went together.


I feel like living in Tahoe just really sucked the style out of me. It looks weird if you show up somewhere in make up unless you are the liquor promo girl. So, for a while, when I had that job, at least I could still get away with it.

But Jack Daniels didn't think the prego belly was good advertising, so that didn't last long either.

Who IS that girl, and WHERE DID SHE GO?

I mean, I don't want to dress single, or age inappropriate, or overly sexy, but I need some kind of groove back. I feel OLD. When I start getting ready for date night, it seems the more I try to put on make up or find something slightly hot to wear, the more discouraged I become.

I am too tired to be cute.

I don't want to look middle aged or worse - like I have a realtor haircut and need to start stuffing the excess cooter chub into Mom jeans.

Every time I get my hair cut, somebody effs it up - so I haven't had a trim since last JULY.

When I go shopping for new clothes, I just end up buying stuff for the girls, and I don't mean my boobs. Kids clothes are so cute and so easy to put together. THEY CAN PULL OFF ANYTHING.

I just stopped looking in the mirror, because I don't want to deal with it anymore.

Mama needs some BOO-YAH!

And although as I have been trying to peck this frustration with myself out of my head and onto a screen my kids have aged me 10 more years. The pulling, the whining, the messes they stamp my tired old yoga pants with, and TODAY I REVOLT.

I have claimed my own office space in the house.

I have picked up some new glasses.

And I think it is the start of a revolution, ya'll.

I am rousing the rabble. Starting some trouble. RECLAIMING SOME OF MY FUNK - (and I am not talking about the smell of baby poop and old milk.)

I am going to shock the crap out of my kids and Boom Boom. And myself.

Say goodbye to boring old me.

Wild hair? Meet my butt.

I might even rearrange more furniture up in here.