Thursday, December 2, 2010

How Do I REALLY Feel?

Last night I went to yoga.

I was not my first time, and it won't be my last, I am sure, but goodness let me tell you, I HATE it.

Case in point: Last night the yoga instructor begins with "Grab a partner."

WHUT? GRAB A PARTNER? I did NOT come here to make friends, much less touch a stranger.


But I am a good sport, and after everybody surrounding me is partnered up, I say, "I guess it is you and me" to the guy standing right next to me.


Have I mentioned I am not all that touchy feely? Like not even ina sensitive "feelings" way much less actual body contact.

Gross. Even if you are HOT. Gross.


We are then instructed to grab our partners fore arms and lean back into a seated position. Which I think is dumb, because all the time we do crap like that in yoga without the awkwardness of touching or acknowledging the existence of someone else.

I grab the guy's forearms and he lets me, but doesn't grab my forearms back.

Seriously? Dude, this was not MY IDEA. Just grab my STUPID FOREARMS and get this over with. I am answered with limp non grabbing hands. We both sit back on invisible chairs, only I am doing all the touching and holding and an awkward situation is made more awkward. And now he is laughing all awkwardly like he is in 3rd grade.

And then the instructor says, "Look at your partner in the eyes with as much love and (whatever other words she used)...." and she just trails off into the distance as my thoughts rush to the foreground.

THIS is just my life right now. Hanging on to the wet noodles that surround but don't really cooperate with me. Having no control. Hanging on anyway.

And OF COURSE the wet noodle thinks it is funny. I want to drop him on his preacher seated ass, but I don't.

I HATE yoga.

I spend the rest of the session wavering back and forth between 2 thoughts.

"I am a good mother." and "Gosh this lady sure has an evil smile. How can someone so tiny and bendy be so evil?"

Do I believe either of those things?

I don't even think that is the point.

I just keep holding on.


Stephanie said...

OMG I love yoga for it's solitude. I would have walked the hell out!

Chelle said...

Gross! I do not want anyone touching me during yoga. EVER!

Anonymous said...

I don't like being touched either! I would of walked out

Jayde said...

I'm sorry. I would have had a full blown panic attack and probably would have started to cry. At least that's how I handled team sports in elementary school. Ok, high school too. Did she think it was couples yoga night?

she said...

ick! I think I would've let the door hit me on the way out. :)

Rockabilly Hippie said...

ew! I would have faked PMS cramps and jetted the heck outta there! I'm not touching anyone, especially some stranger who's touched Lord knows what before he got there! I mean, I do couples yoga at HOME, with my HUSBAND, but I still make him shower first lol! Are there any other places in town that offer non touching yoga?

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