Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Non Bloggers: A Series

Alrighty y'all. As I introduce my next Guest Non-Blogger, I must give you a few disclaimers. First of all, she's Canadian. From British Columbia. I met her on twitter when she wondered out loud of she should get engagement photos.

Of course I had to butt in. I told her "YES!" and that I wish I could do them for her! (Did I mention she is tee-tiny and has this serious flawless kind of girl-next-door beauty that my camera could work with!)

Anyhoo we got to talking and I found out that her fiance was this guy with a camera, and well, pretty much since then I have been hounding Boom Boom to run away to Canada and marry them, because they are

Please, spend some time looking at Mike's work. He is amazing. And Genina and I have dreams of us all getting together for photo shoot swaps and good times.

Her email signature includes a quote from Helen Keller, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

And that makes her a perfect contributor for Family Sized Fun.

Okay, so I could go on forEVEH in a whole 'nother blog post about how much I like this girl (she makes me snort my coffee), but I would rather just give you the opportunity to fall in love yourself.

Presenting, Genina.

Hello All! :)

I can't even begin to tell you how excited and honored I was when Karmen asked me to guest post on her blog. It's MY FIRST GUEST POST!!
I don't personally know Karmen but her candidness, kindness and thoughtfulness on twitter made her a quick friend. I enjoy reading her blog and her tweets - she's amazing and I'm so glad that the wonderful world of social networking has brought us together.

I don't have children and though I hope too have some one day, for now, I consider myself very lucky to have such wonderful friends with the cutest, sweetest toddlers and babies. I get to enjoy the laughs, the giggles, the hugs and the love that only children can bring to ones life - I'd like to thank my friends for having such wonderful children and for sharing their childhood with me.

One day while at work (after receiving an invite to my friends sons birthday party) I Googled the word "inappropriate kids toys". Now, if you know me in real life or twitter you know I'm all about the inappropriateness, so this Google search is only fitting.

I give you my guest post - Top 10 Inappropriate Toy's for kids.

#10: exacto knifes for your "your little angel"

Because every little girl needs a set of exacto knives in her makeup drawer. These can also be used while she cuts out coupons while playing house with her friends, or you know, they can be useful for when the boys get out of hand. ;) I would imagine my Dad would have bought such a gift for me when I was a child, if only he knew where to find it... the internet.

#9 Superman Pillow - "Turn your pillow into the biggest toy ever"

Nuff said.

#8 Pole Dancer Doll

Now, when I was growing up I really wish I had a doll like this. When I was in the 5th grade I had dreams of growing up to be a stripper - ya ya classy, right? If I had this doll she might have pushed me far enough to follow through with my dreams. I can only hope you buy one for your little girl.

#7 I give you the "At home Crack Kit for kids"

I'd like to give a big thank you to "One eye'd Bob's Inappropriate Toys for Children" for this one. Now, if you know of British Columbia, you must know all about the city of Surrey. I can see this gift under every Christmas tree for Children under the age of 12. I never got one, and I'm sad. Pretty sure I could have started my own business with a gift like this. Perhaps I could have made millions, that's if I didn't blow myself up first. This gift should probably come with a warning label.

#6 I now present "the cigarette rolling kit"

Once again, I'm thanking "One eye'd Bob's Inappropriate Toys for Children"! Who wouldn't want their kids helping around the house? I know I would, and with the price of cigarettes these days why would you roll your own? and why wouldn't you enlist the help of your children? I can only hope you'd up their allowance and give them a good story to tell their teachers on why they're finger tips are yellow.

#5 The "My First Rave - with X " Book

Who needs books about "pooping", "peeing", "making friends", "fuzzy animals" or even the "ABC's"? Not my kids. When they're learning to read, you can guarantee their first book will be "my first rave - with X". After they learn it and memorize it we shall party, in our underpants while I bake pot cookies and nachos after playing the piano.

#4 It's a TIE! between "Peni Pals" & "Road Kill Cat"
I give you Peni Pals

The Peni Pal happens to be the second most awesome plush toy for Children. Not only is it pink, but it's a unicorn, and what little girl wouldn't want a pink unicorn? This Unicorn is very special though, it shall help each and every child become familiar with the male genitalia because it's horn is a penis, with balls. This Unicorn could also be filed under the "very HAPPY to see you" category.

And now "Road Kill Cat"

No matter how old you are, you're guaranteed to experience the loss of a pet, whether it's your pet or a friends pet, we all experience it. Sometimes we even experience the sudden pet death via the car. There's 'really no better way to introduce your children to 'road kill' than with the "road kill cat. I say buy it for them, get them to play with it, even become friends with it, so the next time you accidentally hit a small critter they're not so sad.

#3 "You Can Shave the Baby"

Personal Hygiene is a big thing, especially when you hit puberty, so why not buy your child the "shave the baby doll"? This teaches them all about cleanliness, hair and the upkeep that goes along with such things. Now I don't know if this doll is like a chia pet, maybe the hair grows back after you shave it? Only one would hope because as we all know, you don't just get to shave once, it's a weekly, sometimes daily thing. Let's start 'em learning these things at a ripe young age!

#2 ..."herpes" (not really, but you should keep reading)

Birthdays are a great day to give your child herpes, the flu, or even gonorrhea! With these plush toys, courtesy of Think Geek, how could you go wrong. You can provide your child with the uber cuddly version of over 30 viruses. It's the gift that keeps on giving - you should have a look for yourself. My friend Karmen owns the "bed bug' (not shown on the site but photo provided below).. I'm jealous! :)

#1 Bebe Gloton - it's Russian and I can only imagine this translates to "Breast Feeding Baby" because that's what it is.

There's not much to say about this doll, other than it will teach your daughter all about motherhood at a VERY EARLY age. Who wouldn't want that? I think it's a great idea, I mean, when you're 9 and you don't even have boobs why not strap faux boobies to yourself and have your very own baby feed off you? That's a good way to spend a Saturday, when you're 9, right? I encourage you to have a close look at the photos, and even watch the video so you can feel a little extra uncomfortable.

There you have it, my top 10 list of Inappropriate Toys for Kids. If you ever invite me to your child's birthday party you can guarantee I'm bringing the gift of a breast feeding baby, a cigarette rolling kit or Herpes. Hope to see those invites pouring into my inbox :)

Thanks for reading my post, it was nice to stretch my fingers and be invited to guest post on Karmen's Blog! Once again, what an honor. :)

GBug :)


Thanks Genina! I would TOTALLY give you herpes for your birthday! Or any holiday! (You know I love those "bugs") The dolls scare the crap out of me and I totally want those X-acto knives for myself! Oh, and the Superman pillow? ::side eye:: WOW. ::blink blink::

It is so fun to share my friends twisted brains through this forum! And I want to think Mike and Genina for being awesome tweeps! When y'all come to florida imma need like a CASE of ketchup chips. You can follow them at @geninabug and @gwac.

And as always, you can follow me on twitter @FamilySizedFun !


Anonymous said...

Stripper pole for little girls....what the...?

Anonymous said...

I bought the plush herpes for a secret Santa gift exchange at my in-laws' this Christmas. My mother-in-law got them. Yep, I gave my mother-in-law herpes.

Nichole said...

Awesome post, Genina!
I will never, however, think of Superman the same again. He's dead to me now.

Natalie said...

It looked like all the kids at the rave were in their underwear?? Good stuff, good finds, and totally inappropriate!

Lori said...

#5 is my fave. Make sure to invite us over to the rave! Mmm, nachos.

Genina said...

I love that emvandee gave her mother-in-law herpes! I might give my mom rabies this year for Christmas.

Superman is totally dead to me too.. creepy. so creepy.

Everyone is invited over for the Rave!! I'll supply Nachos, Pot Cookies and Water!

Thanks for reading everyone! :)

Adrienne said...

That old SNL skit comes to mind - Bag o' Glass, etc. So funny, then things that are sold as toys! The last one,that doll, gives me the creeps, but not as much as the pole dancer one. Yikes!

Anonymous said...

If it was possible, my girl crush on GBug just made my head explode. This girl is some serious funny stuff. And when you come visit me, I will also take Ketchup chips - and some Coffee Crisp please :) XO

thenextmartha said...

So you're saying that I shouldn't have one or two of these already in the closet? Damn. You both are a couple of my favs!

Kris said...

I want ALL of these toys! And I agree with Adrienne . . . I can so hear Dan Ackroyd selling me these items.

Fred Jarvis. Male Prostitute.

Oh wait, that's a different skit.

I loved Fred Jarvis!

Love these toys!

And I love you!

You are way funny, young lady!

Babe_Chilla said...

I can't even comment on the Superman pillow because people, that was designed for only one purpose.

The breast feeding doll? I had the privilege of bug giving me a sneak preview of that. I still have no got the image (or that sucking noise) out of my head. SO SO SO WRONG! WRONG!

But we will be buying Everly the exacto knives, because I think stitches are a must at a very young age.

Stacey said...

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around some of But the shaving baby I mean...WTH? Scary to know some of these are actually out there. This is wrong on SO many levels! lol

Genina said...

Adrienne: The last doll totally creeps me out, Mike had to walk away from the computer when I watched the video.. hahahah
I'd totally buy the pole dancer.

My GirlCrush saucyredhead: I might have to ship you and Karmen both a box of chips, and although I don't share the same love for coffee crisps, I'll send those too, because you rock! Thanks for the
sweet comments!

TheNextMartha, I would have expected you to have all of them in your closet ; )

Kris: I totally wish Dan Ackroyd would narrate this blog for me. so awesome.
I loves you too! And you're HI-Freaking-Larious!
Thanks for commenting!

Babe_Chilla - I'm getting A the superman pillow, and Everly gets the BF doll. Nuff Said.
Love you!

Stacey: There's so many other toys out there too.. It's insane!!! I love Google Image Search... just be careful what you type in. I can't some inappropriate adult type things. ha.
Thanks for the comment!

gwac said...

Thanks for the kind words and the plug for my site! :-) Still having a hard time getting that hairy baby visual out of my head!

Genina said...

Ha! That was supposed to read: Stacey: There's so many other toys out there too.. It's insane!!! I love Google Image Search... just be careful what you type in. I got some VERY inappropriate adult type things. ha.
Thanks for the comment!

Marcy said...

All right. I'm gonna do it. At the risk of being the sole outcast in this blog thread... I'm gonna defend the breastfeeding doll.

Not that I think there's any need to buy a separate doll to pretend breastfeed-- that seems idiotic to me and a waste of money.

But, I know I've heard of many moms whose older kids would see them breastfeeding a younger sibling and would naturally want to pretend to breastfeed their own dolls (just as kids love to pretend to change diapers, rock babies to sleep, and do all sorts of other stuff they see their parents doing).

So, there you have it. The pro-breastfeeding mama that is now the freak b/c I don't think it's outrageous for kids to pretend to breastfeed their baby dolls. *pulls on flame-proof suit*

Genina said...

Hey Marcy,

You don't need no flame proof suit over here! It's nice to hear you're opinion! :) I don't have children but assume I'll view this things differently one day.

As long as you and I agree the superman pillow is inappropriate, all is good! Thanks for reading my post!


Genina said...

having some serious grammar issues today: "I don't have children but assume I'll view these things differently one day"

I feel the need to correct myself...

Family Sized Fun said...

Genina? you are the CUTEST!
we loved having you guest post today
i think it was fun for EVERYBODY

also, i am way pro breast feeding
and i love when my little one pretends with her baby doll
but the bra thing that comes with THAT baby tends to make me heeb.

i don't know if i can ever erase that video from my memory

let it also be known dolls in general heeb me out so...

mike said...

dayum, that was funny as hell. that is a seriously weird collection of toys. great blog post.

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