Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Bigger Than Me

I broke down last night. Like, heaving sobbing can't breathe through my nose and can't stop all the emotions broke down.

It was very wet and not too pretty.

My kids are growing up.

We took down Eden's crib yesterday, and she is officially a big girl. And if THAT isn't bad enough? She went pee pee in the potty 2 times yesterday.

I may need to sit down.

Change isn't easy for anyone in this house, and last night when we decided to try and let Eden "cry it out" in her new big girl room, I was angry. Like badger angry. I cannot stand to hear my babies suffering in the least.

It was awful.

I ended up laying with her until she fell asleep (after she puked because she was so upset) and her little still sobbing body heaved next to me, and I fell apart.

These are the moments I am so thankful for Boom Boom. He did his best to make me feel better. To reassure me that I am building their independence and character as young ladies, that we are doing the best we can, that I am doing my best.

He talks me off the limb I climb out on. He holds me and my stuffed up nose and watery eyes until I fall asleep.

Both of the girls slept in their big girl beds last night. Without waking. Until 8:15 this morning.

And although it is a success, (YAY girls!) it is also hard for me to handle.

They used to be so dependent on me. They used to be inside of me. And it seems so sudden that they are just out here experiencing and taking over the world.

They are big girls. They are bigger than me, because they don't even know they are accomplishing so much in so little time. Because they don't fall apart worrying what will happen next.

Because they don't see how fast things change.

OH. Here come the tears again.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh, and I thought you just loved me for my movember mustache.

Christine Marie said...

There's nothing wrong with a good cry. It does suck, but you really did do exactly what you should. And while everyone may have suffered for it, the suffering would be longer had you NOT done it.

Don't worry...they will always depend on you, just in different ways. ;)

Dani McD said...

Love and light to you. I feel you sister.

Erin said...

Why did you write something to make me cry???

I ran into an old family friend at the mall today, who looked at my daughter and said, "Oh my gosh, that CAN'T be your daughter! She's too big!"

They really do grow up way too fast. I hated crying it out in the crib, and am denying the need to hear it again when we get to a big girl bed. Luckily, mine is still happy in a crib.

TheNextMartha said...

I'm not a big sentimental person but I am painting my younger sons room. It's changing from his nursery to his "big boy" room. I was surprised how it made me feel a bit sad. Probably b/c it took me forever to hand paint those animals, but still. Sigh and hugs.

Rochelle, Mom of Twins said...

Now I'm all weepy. I've been fighting off the breakdown since my H dipped his decoy spoon into the yogurt then his mouth. It's so exciting to get to know the people they are becoming, but we will miss the babies they were

g6scrapped said...

((HUGS)) to ya mama.. I'm not one that usually gets worked up about my kids growing up. I've just always been the one to think "it has to happen, it's going to happen, to worry about it" .. that being said I have found myself a time or two (or 1000) shedding a tear in bed once the night before kindergarten, trying to convince my husband Jaxon doesn't need to go to preschool just yet because of his allergies, and looking at Harper & Carter and thinking it's not possible they are that big (ha, or older in Harper's case). Parenting can be so bittersweet.

The Corbett Kid. said...

gi-normous hugs across the internet to you. i'm in the exact same spot as you.

Anonymous said...

You have some emotions and reactions that I cannot necessarily identify with. I do my best to understand what you are experiencing.

I give great thanks to the mommies in your life. Thank you familysizedfun followers for being there during tough times, as well as sharing in the fun.

Allison said...

their "accomplishements" are bittersweet sometimes :)

 
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