Asterisk

IMPORTANT UPDATE!

Maybe you read my touching story about the Pirate Adventure and my Grandmama. Wasn't that ADORABLE! I know!

Anyway, I mentioned in the story that I was 7. And I also admitted to later finding out that it wasn't in fact pirates who had set up our treasure, but my Grandmama.

But memories fail us, or at the very least they tailor to fit our own context and what not. And although that was a killer memory I had of doing something with my Grandmama, apparently, she was not a pirate. (This doesn't surprise me, she wasn't very surly.)

I was talking to my Dad last night, and he corrected me, and I told him I would have to update and asterisk to let people know, but let me tell you, that is not enough.

It was MY MOM who came up with the whole pirate treasure adventure. MY MOM was the mastermind and the surly pirate captain. (Oh, and that makes SO MUCH more sense.)

(MY MOM stuffed red and white stuffed socks and slid them into ruby red slippers and stuck them out from under my sister's bed when she was SO INTO The Wizard of Oz.)

I know. She is pretty rad.

But the real point I want to make here, is CREDIT.

I know that I am first in a long line of people who haven't given MY MOM enough CREDIT for the wonderful things she has done, especially for me. Not only did she choose to be my mom, she made my life better, and more special, and more meaningful in so many ways.

She taught me SO MANY things, and although tried to teach me SO MANY more but I was a pretty stubborn little human, and Mom, you should know I wish I had been more athletic, and I am glad you got me started cooking, and there were so many times when I should have listened to you instead of doing things my stupid way, but I didn't.

And I am sorry. I can't say I would change much, but I wish I would have shown her more respect and more love and paid better attention to the woman she was modeling for me instead of thinking she was 'out to get me' all the time.

In fact, if I could go back and tell my 5 year old self (when I met her) how important this woman would be to me, I would tell that little red headed girl that she was indeed the mom I was always wanting and looking for, that she was an amazing mom and she obviously took on quite a challenge. I would tell little Karmen to be easier and more accepting of this Mom, to listen intently to her, to learn the many things she was so concerned about teaching me.

And I would hug her more.

Because now that I am a mother, it is easier to see my mom as a person. Just a girl with interests and feelings and hopes and dreams and fears. Just a girl who liked to disco dance and ski and play and have a good time. A girl with a dream of her own lake house. Just a girl who was trying to be a mom and guide 3 girls to a happy prosperous, purposeful life, a girl who just wanted to love people and be loved and tried to make the best decisions.

But she was just a girl.

Like me.

I know I mess up all the time, and I hope my kids forgive me. Sometimes I don't know how to respond on the fly, I don't know what to do the first time the kids bite, hit, disobey, run into the street. I know I try to have their best interests at the core of my decision, but I am new at this, still, and sometimes my own desires or emotions flare up and make it hard for me to respond in the best way. In fact, I recognize that I need direction and support and a community to help me grow into the mother I want to be.

And that is exactly why I moved back here. So I am not missing out on all the life lessons my Mom has stored up in her heart. So I am not missing out on her. So my kids don't miss out on her.

Because I DO miss my Grandmama.
And I know how important a Mom is.
And how important a Grandmama is.

Mom? If you are reading this, I LOVE YOU. I tear up in your presence because I feel like I didn't do right by you, and I want to share and treasure every day I have left with you in this world.

Thank you for the pirate adventure. And all the other stuff. You are a beautiful, amazing, wonderful AWESOME of a person, and you don't even give yourself enough credit.

I love you.
The kids love you.
We love you, HARD.

Arrrgh. ;)