New Face in Town

Well last night was WAY better than the previous few. Eden was able to sleep enough for all of us and so today is already looking up. Plus it's FRIDAY. Pant-free Friday. And Madee and Eden are dancing to booty music singing "Dancing in our panties!"

Who doesn't love a 2 year old that will say anything you teach her?

Eden thinks it is hilarious!


So YAY!

Update on the stroller search: We found a used Maclaren Triumph in pristine condition for all of our runabout trips and I am already super happy with it. It's a machine. The handlebars are so comfy and it has serious maneuvering capability. We actually still have my first BabyJogger - its a GOLIATH but whatEVS it can handle trails and sand and so it is a good old standby, and we will be reunited with it soon enough.

The search is over. ::sigh:: Thanks to everybody that helped!

And now that I have a full night's sleep, I am feeling much better than I was yesterday, and am even mustering up some inspiration to be excited for our next move, which for me is a move HOME.

And, since it is summer, we will be doing some hard time at the family's lake house. Yippee! I am so excited for the girls to be at the lake this year. Now that they have each other to play with we are all going to have more fun!

And if you haven't noticed, this baby might break her face smiling for the camera. When the flash starts popping she piles on the charm!
Where have I seen that face before? Hmmmm..... oh yeah here it is.


And that little booger in the background with the breaky face smile is all grown up and GRADUATING TODAY!. HOLY CRAP!

Congratulations, Chelsey! We love you and we are so proud we are breaking our faces smiling over here! We wish we were there today, and can't wait to see you soon!

Have a good weekend, and leave a link with your comment of your favorite breaky face smiling kid!

We call them "Mood Swings"

It was another rough night. Eden is just going through a time, and in the bounds of this living space, there comes a point of crying it out that is too much for the rest of us to bear. Or sleep through. I was up several times with her last night, and then, when Boom Boom had woken up early to sneak out for a run, Madee woke up and cried and cried and cried and seriously I am in a hurricane of whining and crying lately.

And that is a lot of my daily existence.

And some times are harder than others. Because sometimes I just don't have the energy to attack a mountain of whining and crying and clouds and cold. Sometimes I just don't know how we are going to make it through the day.

And then I have some coffee. Take my Prozac. Hop on Twitter.

Read a little from this guy's website. Cry a little.

Hug my babies. Real hard.

And find that strength that isn't in me, but is just from somewhere else.

I pack a lunch, get the girls fed and dressed, and take them out in the world to show them things, even if we are just driving by them and pointing from the window as rain beats down on the truck.

It isn't easy to be the Mom.

But I also know that it isn't easy being them either, being Eden, dealing with the mouth pain, not being able to help herself to things she cannot reach, not being able to say what she already means. wanting everything that Madee has, not being able to walk yet, because she really wants to.

And it also isn't easy being Madee, being in this swirl of emotion and new reaches of awareness that just make everything confusing and strange and uncomfortable. Feeling out of control of things and events, but understanding more and more that she could control these things, or that she will at some point. Being told "NO!" all the time. Being thrust into sharing everything - her mom and dad, her toys, her dogs, her space, her time, her food, at a time when she is just discovering ownership and independence and individuality, yet is still vulnerable to feeling like or wanting to be a baby again.

And Boom Boom? Well it isn't easy being him either. I won't get into why, because he is old enough to tell you himself, but he is tired and stressed and dealing with his own things right now.

Oh, and there I go again avoiding talking about myself. I guess I am not in the best place right now. I don't want to talk about it, I just want out. Out of the funk, out of the fog from being so tired, out of the emotion that is 3 females taking turns crying in our house. And I don't want to talk about it because I hate to admit weakness. It is like once I do, things start getting worse and the crap starts to pile on to test just how much I can carry before I fall down. And it's little things.

It's all little things! (well, except the lack of sleep!) but seriously, things are looking up in so many realms that I should be enjoying those developments (moving to FL, upgrading my blog) and I just want to cry because Madee is helping herself to the refrigerator YET AGAIN for what is like her 4 or 5th yogurt in 24 hours, despite the fact that ask her not to help herself, despite the fact that I feed her in the morning, despite the fact that now I'm crying because I feel like I must not feed my GIGANTIC GODZILLA children enough.

So here goes my pep talk, welcome one and all, seriously, if you ever need a pep talk COME TO ME I am like a SUNSHINE ENEMA.

***********************************

I have a dream. And in my dream, my new BFF from twitter, who only lives 2 hours away, and I jump a plane for Vegas, buy gorgeous new clothes and go dancing and drinking and hustling gambling winnings from old bald men for MORE GORGEOUS CLOTHES and then end up renting Segways and chucking hot dogs at at the porn card flickers while drinking vodka tonics and chanting "Big Freaking Potato" all night. Then we go into a tattoo parlor and get a tramp stamp of loaded potatoes with bacon and cheese and then run by the chapel to become "blood sisters" in a ceremony presided by a big lady Elvis. Old Bloated Elvis, not the cute one.

And then we go bet all the rest of our money on Keno while eating chicken fried steak and drunk dialing everybody in our cell phone lists and then we win a BAZILLION dollars and BUY BLOGHER and we are the QUEENS OF THE BLOGOSPHERE and we run around arm in arm singing that "Schlameel Schlamozzle" song from Laverne and Shirley.

And now I've found it. I have my strength to make this a wonderful day.

All because of my new imaginary friend.

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW.

Alrighty kiddos! lets get out of the house!

Wordless Wednesday

Haha. Just kidding.
Imma hafta say something.

First of all, how cute are these 2 at bath time? Last night was Eden's first time out of her seat in the bath tub and she felt like such a big girl.

Although a little worried. And rightly so.


The first thing she did was go for the thing that Madee is always going after to get herself in trouble - the faucet. Awesome. So she knows what the bad stuff is an CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT.

She really enjoyed being hollered at for it.

"I'm BIG TIME NOW y'all!"


Other "Big Girl" stuff she's doing?

Cracking us all up at snack time sitting like a big girl at the kid's table.
She eats dinner like this, too.

When babies attack...

If I Had 500 Dollars

Last night was a rough one. First of all, after what seems like waymore than what's my fair share of nights in the big bed with Madee, I was floor mattress parent.

And Eden was up. all. night.

She must be going through a "frequency spasm" as she is eating and drinking anything and everything that isn't nailed down. So not only is she constantly seemingly starving, she ia also screaming about what ever she is processing from eating before.

IT IS PURE JOY.

So on a morning like this, I can't think much. On a morning like this, I pull out this book my Auntie Teri gave me, (Simple Abundance by Sarah Bern Breathnach)and although I don't really get to it everyday (it is a "daybook"), when I do, it always seems relevant to my struggle for that particular day.

And today, it went on and on for 2 pages of this story and that story but all I got from it was "go get a massage" (or your hair done, or a facial or WHATEVER)

Oh, and "Snuggle your kids. Even if they kept you up all night."

Good book.

So today, as my weepy whiny children who need a little more sleep and a lot more warm sunshine laze around the house, I am going to look up at-home spa solutions and probably rub everybody in the house down with lots of lotion.

I thought I would scour the internet and have a "If I Had Money I'd Buy" kind of day. And perhaps tomorrow's "Wordless Wednesday" will be filled with pictures of the things I found and wanted.

Lately I have been wishing I had $500 to spend here. We were fortunate to adopt this little fella in Arcata, CA at the cutest little toy store named Geppetto's. He is a bed bug.

Later when we checked into the motel we were staying in, Boom Boom said, "At least he won't be the only bedbug here tonight."

Ha.

You can see is well-loved and worn. But I think he might at least need a friend. Like Herpes or The Mange. (I mean Bedbug, not Boom Boom!)


Here's my bedbug. Look at that hair fresh from the shower. She isn't that cute at 2:30 I PROMISE. :)

So if you had $500 what would you spend it on? Keep in mind I want to know what you would buy for yourself and yourself only, no gifts, no presents, no donations, just pure unadulterated retail therapy.

New Wheels

I am a stroller buff. In fact, it is quite ironic that right now, at THIS time, I don't even have ONE. When we lived in the house with a garage, I was quite the collector. Boom Boom would ask me all the time, "You collect strollers like JAY LENO collects cars. What do you plan on doing with all of these?"

And well, each had their own purpose. When we had Madee, we of course got the "travel system" and the Cadillac stroller that holds an infant seat. It is just the stroller I heard you HAD TO HAVE. I didn't even question its purchase. Even though we didn't really live in a place where it could easily maneuver (trails and potholes and sand and SNOW) and, in fact I couldn't use it outside, since there was 20 feet of snow, and I couldn't take it to stroll the mall, since we our town (and the next 2) didn't even have a mall.

I bought an old basic Baby Jogger for $30 at a garage sale that first summer, but it was a pain to disassemble and haul around, and it barely folded up at all. I found a Bob SUV for $20 (it retails for $300) in pristine condition, but HATED IT and sold it for $150. SWEET ACE.

I bought a double "sit and stand" but it was too long to turn easily, a twin Peg Perego that the girls trashed within a month, and although, for the most part, I haven't lost any money at all in strollers, I find myself here now, without one, as I have sold the last of them on Craigslist.com.

But that just will not do. Madee may not really ride much anymore (so I doubt I really need a double), and I know Eden is pretty close to walking, but still, even if they don't ride in it all the time, I still need something to sherpa my mile high pile of crap that comes with us on the simplest of trips.

I need a rig that will jog, stroll, and walk through a mall. Something that can handle sandy beaches, rooty hiking trails, maneuver through doorways, jog down dirt roads and pothole laden streets and still fit in the back of the car leaving the dog enough room to lay down.

It should have a cupholder and good storage underneath and a swivel front wheel and a good sunshade for a sleeper.

And if it can make coffee and do dishes, I will even consider paying an extra $20.

Do you have a stroller you love? Tell what you love/hate about your baby gear and what you buy all over again!

Looking Back

Some things never change, like our love for chicken wings!


Sometimes I start flipping through our hard drive pictures, and I AM SO HAPPY I AM SUCH A SHUTTERBUG.

Boom Boom and I have had an awesome life together so far, and almost every day seems documented. I can't tell you how happy this dude makes me. And it is none of your business anyway, but seriously, we seem to have covered a LOT of ground since we first met...

The "itis" - you get it so bad, there is just no cure.
Back off ladies, THIS IS ALL MINE!


OUR TIMELINE

2006 - met
2007 married

2008 - baby #1
2009 - baby #2
2010 - ? I just don't know yet!

My favorite picture Boom Boom ever took of me...


We have been busy, to say the least. We have changed and grown and in love and in numbers. We have lost a dog together, delivered babies together, stayed up at night crying from the sleeplessness together.


Nothing quite tenderizes a man like than having little girls. He LOVES them. HARD. They make him laugh and cry and scream and smile. (And sometimes they make him drink! STOP CRYING BABIES!)

But mostly, they make him more amazing to me. That he made them, helped me get them here, and he does more Dad duty than ANY GUY I KNOW.


He's not perfect. And I am sure I remind him of that ALL THE TIME. But he is perfect for me. And, well, that is a way harder bill to fill than general perfection.

And if the last 4 years have any indication, then I must be a smartypants, because he is the best thing I ever followed my heart on.


I LOVE YOU BOOM BOOM! Thanks for all the babies and the love!

When Worlds Collide (in a good way!)

I met most of my friends on the internet.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

In fact, I met Boom Boom on the internet. And look at us now. I started blogging in 2005 on Myspace and he found my blog and fell in love with me. Well, that is how I tell the story, but if he tells you, he might mention some meatloaf sandwiches had a little something-something to do with it.

I mean, I spent many days and nights, trying to find a connection with someone right in front of me, with eye to eye contact, OLD SCHOOL, if you will, and it never fit right. Same thing with my best friend Lisa. I fell in love with her immediately. After we made a date on Myspace.

Anyhoo, one night we had a dinner party in our last house, and everybody started talking and found out that they had all met me on the internet, and even though I did not solicit any of those friendships, there they were.

SOME OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS - I mean, I met Palmer in 1996 or something -yep, you guessed it, through the internet.

And somehow, despite the fact that the internet is HUGE, and our presence there is infinitesimal, connections are made that end up standing the test of time. How COOL IS THAT?

Way cool.

So now that I am on the Twitters, I am making some new friends that I feel I can really relate to, wherever they are. They are moms with screechy kids and blogs in yoga pants with a lot of humor and no one to spend it on in their immediate vicinity, and I can't tell you how happy and complete this makes me feel.

Because motherhood has a tendency to feel very lonely, despite the fact that a mother is never alone. These kids inadvertently keep me hostage and so it is nice to have other moms to vent to, other moms to feel for, and know there is still a "village" out there to help me stay sane while I stay at home with my kids.

The thing about a LOT of these moms is - I can't meet them out for coffee or playdates because they are in Albequerque or some place far away.

::sadface::

But the other night, we were out for adult entertainment - (I mean NO KIDS, not STRIPPERS) for Dawn's birthday, and I met a girl. ::gasp:: She is so pretty and delightful and she is a stay at home mom with girls and ::gasp:: she blogs!

And we are getting it together for a playdate and I am so excited to have these 2 worlds finally collide.

SO EXCITED.

I will let you know how it goes...

Who have YOU met on the internet that you can't imagine life without?

The Sand Box

I was on OhDeeDoh again, not too long ago, and I came across this no brainer, yet GENIUS idea that has kept my kids quite busy ever since.

We are in Duluth, MN, and to give you and idea of what that means, the temperature in winter here can reach 50 below.

50 below 0.

Brrrr.

Like, today is 36 degrees. But it feels like a balmy 24. Sqweee!

Actually, we have been lucky to have some pretty warm days, but they can turn cold real fast. So outdoor toys need to be quick and easy and (Hello, APARTMENT!) portable and easy to clean.

Perf!

Anyway, back to the box. It is just a long flat under-the-bed box that I was storing some clothes in. And you can get play sand for pretty cheap ($2) at Home Depot or Lowe's. I bought 3 bags so I wouldn't have to go back for awhile, and it has refilled the box several times and lasted at least a month.

Add some sand toys and there ya go.

Super easy and so much fun! Eden is so into feeling textures and just loves to take part of any activity that Madee can do. This is perfect for both of them, and generally they give each other space when they are exposed to fresh air.

EVERYBODY WINS.

And this one eats it by the handzfuls.

"I can haz sand now?"


Cutie Pie with the Buster Brown haircut.
I ferry buckets of water from the bathtub to the front window on warmer days just to mix it up a bit. I can't express to you how much more fun that makes it, but if you can imagine the mess, fun is exponentially increased by that sort of thing.

Seriously, is this face not trubs? She slays me.

Here's to fun and dirt and Earth Day! We are headed to the Home Depot to pick out some flowers and plants to celebrate tomorrow!

Hug a tree, hippie! Kisses!

***This sand and box and a basket of sand toys makes a PERFECT Mother's Day gift for a friend with a toddler! Add a bottle of wine (or 2!) and a bow and BOOYAH! Best Friend Forever!***

Umm, Vanity? I don't think that is the word...

Squashed Chicken

My parents have a house on Lake Martin in Alabama, and there was this little dive shack that served dinner - REALLY GOOD DINNER.

Last time we were in town, I spent a few minutes with the owner rocking on the front porch dissecting this particular dish, as it was my mom and my sister's favorite, and it seemed super easy to make AND healthy to boot.

He didn't want to share it, as it was there "special-ity" but I guessed how to maske it, and he said I got it right.

I started making it at home, and although I may have thrown in a few variations, it is still THE BEST THING I cook lately and I can't wait to make it for my Mom!

There are 2 variations, one for indoor cooking an done for grilling, so depending on your facilities and weather you can have either way.

Here is your shopping list:

Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast
Squash
Zucchini
Red or Gold Potatoes
Mushrooms
Yellow Onion
Salt and Pepper
Olive Oil
Garlic

I KNOW, easy right? any given summer day I have all that in my kitchen anyway.

So I make this in one huge wok/skillet if I am not making it on the grill.

Place chicken breasts, olive oil and garlic in the skillet and get it started cooking.

MMMMmmm. That smells good already.

***For the grill, simply coat the chicken in olive oil and garlic and grill it. Bam! Easy Peasy! You should also throw your taters on the grill if you are cooking it that way!***

Allrighty, and while that is sizzling up you can chop up your veggies. I prefer them super chunky, especially if grilling. I know these pictures aren't of super chunky veggies,. and that is how I know to recommend them bigger. About 1/2 inch thick at least.

Throw your chopped veggies in a bowl and drizzle with oil, garlic, salt and pepper. Toss it about to coat.

Flip the chicken.
If you are going stove top, just toss the veggies on top, onions, mushrooms, squash and zucchini, and flip a cover on it.

If you are grilling, a grilling basket or just wrapping the veggies in tin foil will do. slap them on the grill.

Throw the potatoes in the microwave.
Throw your thANG down flip it and reverse it.
Pour yourself a martini - YOU JUST MADE DINNER!


Uncover, throw the taters on top and mash it a bit with a fork.

If you are pulling it off the grill, put the chicken on a platter and fork up those pieces to shred them a little. Open up your veggie in foil and throw those down on top. Throw your taters on there and mash them up a bit with your fork.



You might need to dust a little something off your shoulder, cookie, because the cowboys are going to LOVE THIS!

THANK YOU to The (former) GRILLIN SHACK for sharing your wisdom and yumminess.

And LOOK OUT MOM! I think mine might even be a little better!

Crescendo

Crescendo.

That is what I call it.

Emphasis on the "endo".

As in, ass over end. Oh.

There are moments throughout a day, sometimes too many moments, that E starts crying, screeching, WAILING, or just barking at the neighbors, and it is loud.

I'm sorry, LOUD!

As in, SO LOUD, it is an assault on anyone within earshot.

::shudder::

And sometimes, sometimes, M gets in on it. And they start trying to crawl up each other's butts and they pinch and snatch and push each other (awwww, siblings!♥) and the screaming just grows and grows into this crazy crescendo until I start YELLING AT EVERYBODY and the mail lady happens by to hear it all and I LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY.

Thank You Popsicle Man

Teeth are a nightmare, really. Here is this little baby that hasn't even started doing all the bad stuff and they are writhing in pain (and causing misery to anything within earshot). For DAYS. And nights!
Every other 2 weeks or so for the first 2 years of their life.
Sad face. :( No fair.

And it must SUPER suck like a headache since you can't really get away from a pain that is in your head. And even though she is now TROUBLE with a capital all of it, she still doesn't deserve this. I guess you have to harden to pain in your lifetime, and for her it starts here.

More sad face. :(

Eden is on Teeth #5 and #6, with #5 having broken through, and #6 ramping up for serious gum assault in the worst way.

Luckily, we have a #1 defense around here.

I think they are feeling a little better right here. And she can hold it all by herself!

In fact, you better let her or she will scream bloody murder until your ears fall off and die!

This face wants your popsicle.


Unh. Smoochies!

What are your best remedies for sad babies with killer teeth? We could use all the help she can get!

In the Time It Takes Me to Pee

Nobody is safe when I go to the bathroom. THANK GOODNESS she didn't get to the dogs!

Wordless Wednesday

DNA Evidence

If Boom Boom set me up on the Jerry Springer show for a maternity test, I think these are the pictures he would give Jerry to prove this is really my daughter.

"Look at that! How can you deny THAT! She looks JUST LIKE you!"



And a gratuitous picture of the baby muffin. NO you can't just eat the top.
::all over face kisses::

NOMMY!

Boob Job

Oh this kid just kills me. She will find any random laundry about the house and try to put it on in ways it just won't fit. I am just stoked that she is interested in dressingherself, because usually she just wants "Madee nekkid MADEE NEKKIIIIID!"

Also, she introduces herself to people,and when they tell her their name , she says Hello.

example

target lady : how are YOU doing?
madee: ::slaps chest:: MA-DEEE yoo name?
target lady : my name is Ann
madee: oh, HEY ANN!

Oh and yesterday she said goodbye to her friend at the playground, shook his hand, asked for a hug, and they stood there embraced and my eyes welled up.

She is just SO STINKING cute.

She is not just stuffing her face on pancake morning in this picture. In case you aren't looking closely, she has my old bra on and has stuffed it with a boot.

And here she is stuffing her shirt with some grapes. A little bumpy, but the shape is getting a little closer. She spent about 10 minutes in Target today playing with all the pretty bras and saying very loudly "Mommy! Boobies! Mommy PRETTY BOOBIES!"

She makes shopping so much more fun!

The Situation

No this post is not about 'Jersey Shore", although we have taught the kids the fist pump.

A lot of people wonder what our "situation" is. I mean, the About Me kind of covers it, but there is really so much more.

My husband's company asked us to dock the RV and move to Duluth. I am still unsure of why, but I am going to go out on a limb here, and say it is because they don't know what to do with us and need to save some money.

On the one hand, we are set up in a "corporate apartment" in the Central Hillside, which is THE GHETTO. I love walking around the neighborhood while people play "Let's sound all violent and scare the white lady with the kids."

No I am not afraid. Mostly because I bottle ALOT of rage and have been waiting for years for someone to throw the first punch. Waaaaaaitiiiing! (I sang that.)

We have one bedroom. It is Madee's bedroom, and we take turns sleeping in there with her.
There is also a crappy twin mattress on the floor of the living room, so whoever doesn't get inthe big bed that night gets to lay on it and listen to the cops and ambulances and neighbors yelling, and in between that, whenever Eden wakes up crying in her playpen in the living room, "floor mattress parent" gets to deal with that.

Can I get a woot woot? I have been floor mattress parent 2 nights in a row.
Don't get me wrong, Boom Boom puts in his time and more.

This is not our ultimate goal, living here. But it gets me closer to my ultimate goal, living nearer to my family.

And for my selfish wants, I agreed to live like this, not even knowing what "this" is.

For the most part, I am all, "What?", because remember folks, before this, we were living in an RV (my bed was way less comfy than the floor mattress). Oh and the baby was waking EVERYBODY up then so this is not so bad.

On the one hand, I feel privileged that they are paying our rent, and that we have a place to live at all. I know there are many mommies out there who don't even have the internet, and I was one of them in the RV, so I am grateful for that.

So that is it. That is my situation. I would hate to say any more, because I hate it when I say things that come back to bite me in the ass. But if you know me at all, you know I NEVER RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY (unless I hate you).

SO my further silence is part self control, and part knowing my lack of self-control.

But Y'ALL, well y'all can say ANYTHING. You can say the things I can't say. And I am begging for you to be honest right here and right now.

I am praying that at least one of my internet/blogging/photography projects will one day be a saving grace for our household, but for now, I just have to teach my kids how to make the best of a situation, how to love each other in too little space, and how to love and work with what you've been given.

Even if it is basically the finger.

Two Cute for Words!

I can't believe there was no hair-pulling or crying involved!

Accidental Egg Art

The first Easter egg I cracked open looked like this.

::shudder::

It kinda gave more meaning to the"deviled" eggs.

Tell me what you see when you look really closely.

You Get What You Get

So I don't spend a lot of time really talking about myself, where I came from, where I have been. I don't like to live in the past.

I also don't really talk much about the future. I just don't know for sure what is coming up and even when we have an idea of what we think we may be doing soon, I don't really know until I get there.

I have never had a lot of "foresight".

I am just an in-the-now/seat-of-my-pants/a-little-bit-out-there kind of girl who all of the sudden has little beings she has to guide, so now feels like she is supposed to have a plan.

GAH.

Who needs that kind of pressure when you just haven't worried about that crap before?

Anyway, what I REALLY want to talk about right now is the benefits of marriage. And this is kind of about my past.

So I got a pretty money last name when I married Boom Boom. I mean where I come from, (Alabama), Van Derven just sounds rich. Like at least 2 WHOLE HORSES rich. Possibly some chickens.

Just sayin'.

My maiden name was ::wait for it:: Coon.

C-O-O-N.

We didn't make our name up, and we come from a long line of people with the same name, I even used to know an unrelated family with the same name, and somewhere along the line, our name became synonymous with an insulting connotation of the word, and I DON'T KNOW THE HISTORY OF IT ALL, but seriously, dudes, let me reiterate, I grew up in Alabama.

Therefore, I cannot count how many times I have been in an awkward situation because of my last name. I remember Boom Boom watching me at the ticket counter at an airline in Orlando as I checked in. He was hysterical, but also a little scared that this woman was about to jump over that counter and kick my ass.

Or that time I went to get fingerprinted for my real estate license, or that time my new Grandma called out for her new in laws, "Are there any Coons up there?" In a store. In Tennessee. Right after a lovely African American couple passed her on the stairs.

::shudder::

Or the time I asked Doc Rivers to autograph one of his shoes for my Dad. On a fancy golf course. With my boss. And I got him to write "Lee Coon: You the man." While he side eyed me with a raised eyebrow like I was going to punk him.

My Dad's workplace had to get the computers rolled over to some new system a couple years ago, and that included blocking certain language or sites or content that may be "politically correct".

Basically my Dad couldn't send or receive emails for like a week before they realized that his last name had hit the "racial slur" list. That is SO my family, always the exception.

So there ya have it. Just one of the MANY benefits of marriage. And a little something for my little sisters to look forward to. And something I REALLY don't miss about being single.*

And another little peek into my awkward past.

*The ONLY thing I miss about being single is the sleep. ;)

Scenes from an Easter Sunday

Happy Easter, y'all.

I found that this year, The Easter Bunny was easier to explain than Jesus. I mean they get to hear about it all, but we haven't really covered the the ins and outs of existence and death and whatnot, so Madee still thinks Jesus is a baby.

I am not ready to tell her He died.
Tears well up just thinking about it. I am just not ready yet.

Hold on. Imma go get me one of these.

That's much better. Hair of the dog is the cure for the Easter Hangover, y'all.

It's just that the holidays really get me ::fist to chest:: right here.
I don't know how it is that my own precious family holiday memories can swell into such an emotional thing for me, but I could cry all morning.

I don't usually get my brain involved in my own "heavy stuff", in fact, since having kids I can't even watch a movie if I KNOW it will make me cry.

They just give everything so much more meaning.


And although usually my day is all wrapped up in averting crisis and kissing booboos and fixing lunch and bottles and planning dinner and prioritizing the things on my "to do" list, and then losing my "to do" list and pulling my hair out and then passing out at Madee's bedtime, there are some days when I just sit back and see what I have here and it is the most precious thing I have ever had, something that at times in my life I thought I may never have.

My "happily ever after" is just REAL now.

And in the midst of feeling so grateful for everything I have, I start to remember things I have had before. The things that I experienced in my childhood that kept me strong and willful and determined to have this happiness.

Oh Grandmama. I hope you can see this. I hope you can see me now.

I wish my Grandmama was here for just one day. Just one day I would love to see her hold my babies. I wish she could see how everything turned out really good for me. She always knew there was something a little, I don't know, tortured about me, she just "got" me in a world I felt I didn't fit into. She always knew I would be right here, this happy place I am today with my family.

I wish I had the chance to tell her that she was the most beautiful person I have ever met (still!), and how I wish I had paid better attention to how she did things, because she was an amazing woman - a woman worth emulating. And those times when I needed a mother but I didn't have one, well, I appreciate that she took the time to be there.

She made a little girl that didn't know how to feel special, feel worthy, I and still feel the touch of her heart. I miss her. I always will.

I know she would want to kiss these precious little lips.


K, nuff tears now. Love you, Grandmama. You kicked ass.