Friday, April 2, 2010

What's for Dinner?

Basically, I am like the Ghetto Sandra Lee. I should totally have my own cooking show, "The Ghetto Sandra Lee" and if she even tried to sue me for ::quote fingers:: infringement I would be all, "Shut your dirty mouth, Mustache, before I clock you with one of your many colored Kitchen Aid stand mixers, because OMG, woman, if you have enough money to buy the most expensive pre-packaged food bits and serve it in vintage matchy kitchy Fiestaware, and enough time to worry about whether or not your fancy Kitchen Aid stand mixer goes with today's curtains, then LET ME TELL YOU, LADY, you also have enough time and money to make it the. long. way.

I however, usually glance over at the oven clock at about 5:30 and figure the other things in my house are going to be hungry enough to eat me in approximately 15 minutes, whip open the cupboards to see that we are pretty much out of food and all the dishes are dirty.


So I am going to start sharing my fast fix ghetto sandra lee recipes and I am going to tell you right now to just serve it on paper plates.

First Up?

Chili (Effing)* Frito Pie
*the pseudo expletive is necessary because EVERYBODY is excited on "Chili Frito Pie Night".

So, feel free to make your own chili, steam your own rice, grate your own cheese.
Be fancy.
It isn't a contest unless it's a chili cookoff and I didn't declare one so...

Here's your checklist

1 can of vegetarian chili
1 can of dark red kidney beans
1 onion (diced)
olive oil
minced garlic (mine is in a jar)
2 bags 90 second rice
grated cheese
sour cream
bag of Fritos Scoops.

Do you know you can buy microwavable rice and it is done in 90 seconds?
It is like space food or something but I started buying it in the RV and it is AWESOME.

The canned stuff makes it ghetto. The sauteed onions and garlic in olive oil make it Sandra Lee. Seriously. If you sautee onions and garlic in olive oil (which when you buy them by the bags, hello, cheap) *wink* and add it to a.ny.thing, you are a cooking genius. Not only do you fill the house with an aroma that makes your family insist in fond memory that "Mom really knew how to cook", but you gives it an instant *UPGRADE* without breaking your bank.

(Does anyone else picture that stupid Beyonce commercial when they hear upgrade? Because I totally start singing it and head bopping. I can totally dance like Beyonce. When I say *UPGRADE* all of that goes with it.)

I use a big saucepan and do the garlic/onion/oil thing and when they are looking nice and tender, I slop those cans of chili and beans in that same pan. So that's only 1 pan that is going to crust over in our sink throughout the night.


Nuke the rice.
Or cook it. Whatever. It's rice, so it is pretty easy.
But that's another pot to clean.
And lurk in the sink overnight.

Is anyone hearing what I am really trying to say here?
::side glance::

I don't currently have a dishwasher.
And I didn't marry one.


Anyway that is it for the pie, for the most part.

it goes on the plate in this order:
spoonful of sour cream
rooster sauce or whatever YOU like
Fritos Scoops all around your pretty pile of "alternative nacho" delight.

Hey add meat if you want to, I don't have anything against that. I just don't like canned meat and didn 't have time or the groceries.

Wash your hands, kiddos, and get ready to lick your fingers! Nummy!

*recipe courtesy of my Dad in the good old days when we lived in Section 8 housing on welfare. Well, that is how I tell it. Thanks Dad! It's still delicious!


Anonymous said...

There should be a check box for delicious

BrerMatt said...

Awesome. This is totally gourmet.

It's hard for me to find vegetarian chili here. Target carries it sometimes, but last trip, they were sold out.

Also, hold the sour cream on mine, please.


RJ Flamingo said...

Ditto on the veg chili, here, but I can make chili in 15 minutes with the onion/garlic/olive oil trick, a pound of ground beef, a can of beans (kidney or black), and a jar of salsa. ->wink!<-

I swear this sounds like something I'd do. Taco salad: bag o'salad instead of the rice, then everything else you said. :-D

Family Sized Fun said...

hey matt! are you kidding? it is on the chili aisle. or in the health food stuff aisle.

RJ the o/g/o is KING!
i am loving the salad idea
cuz i am crazy about hot/cold salads
i will prolly do it this week!

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