Scenes from an Easter Sunday

Happy Easter, y'all.

I found that this year, The Easter Bunny was easier to explain than Jesus. I mean they get to hear about it all, but we haven't really covered the the ins and outs of existence and death and whatnot, so Madee still thinks Jesus is a baby.

I am not ready to tell her He died.
Tears well up just thinking about it. I am just not ready yet.

Hold on. Imma go get me one of these.

That's much better. Hair of the dog is the cure for the Easter Hangover, y'all.

It's just that the holidays really get me ::fist to chest:: right here.
I don't know how it is that my own precious family holiday memories can swell into such an emotional thing for me, but I could cry all morning.

I don't usually get my brain involved in my own "heavy stuff", in fact, since having kids I can't even watch a movie if I KNOW it will make me cry.

They just give everything so much more meaning.


And although usually my day is all wrapped up in averting crisis and kissing booboos and fixing lunch and bottles and planning dinner and prioritizing the things on my "to do" list, and then losing my "to do" list and pulling my hair out and then passing out at Madee's bedtime, there are some days when I just sit back and see what I have here and it is the most precious thing I have ever had, something that at times in my life I thought I may never have.

My "happily ever after" is just REAL now.

And in the midst of feeling so grateful for everything I have, I start to remember things I have had before. The things that I experienced in my childhood that kept me strong and willful and determined to have this happiness.

Oh Grandmama. I hope you can see this. I hope you can see me now.

I wish my Grandmama was here for just one day. Just one day I would love to see her hold my babies. I wish she could see how everything turned out really good for me. She always knew there was something a little, I don't know, tortured about me, she just "got" me in a world I felt I didn't fit into. She always knew I would be right here, this happy place I am today with my family.

I wish I had the chance to tell her that she was the most beautiful person I have ever met (still!), and how I wish I had paid better attention to how she did things, because she was an amazing woman - a woman worth emulating. And those times when I needed a mother but I didn't have one, well, I appreciate that she took the time to be there.

She made a little girl that didn't know how to feel special, feel worthy, I and still feel the touch of her heart. I miss her. I always will.

I know she would want to kiss these precious little lips.


K, nuff tears now. Love you, Grandmama. You kicked ass.