WTFriday?

So it was a looooooooong week. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was just one more thing right after another and here is Friday afternoon, and I haven't even posted yet.

I have been doing Mommy's Time Out on Friday's, but this week? Mommy got no time out.

Currently, Mommy has drug random items and the kids out into the front yard for an impromptu garage sale and is working on making a double double date plan with the Martins who have a family with somebody for each of us (not the dogs but like THEY care!), so it is really a great family fit, and let me tell you that when I can't take a time out? A playdate is the next best thing.

I am so glad it is Friday.

Even though I have to work all weekend.

Anyhoo, I am sure it will be a weekend full of fun (as always) and you never know I may even find some treasures as I scan through people's yard sale items. Oh, American Pickers, you.need.me.

I think I can see some white where Eden's 4th tooth (that elusive BEAST) very well may be punching through (fingers crossed for her!) within the next few days, and she has also mastered saying "NO!" so that is going to make for a fun weekend for sure.

Also? She pretty much walks (toddles) full time, and she carries around this bug fat orange stuffed cat and her little curly pigtails and it is killing me with sadness and joy that my "baby" isn't really acting like a "baby" anymore.

She is quite pleased with herself.

Things Madee says:

"Sowwy Mommy" ::doe eyes::
"let's go SEA WORLD!" "PEESE!"

me: what's that on your face, honey?
Madee: it's eye cry, Mom. It's eye cry.

"Take Eden AWAY!"
"Madee wake up!"

First thing EVERY MORNING? "Let's go Mom. Time to go to TARGET!"

"Mommy needs her CopFee?"
"You okay Mom?"
"Thanks!"
"No, thank you!"

Almost everything she says is super freaking adorable.

So anyways, have a super weekend. Send me pictures. And lots of flowers. And possibly some rum.

And get off your toukas and come visit so I don't have to spend all my free time with the lame-o computer!

It Takes a Village

I have IRL friends.

(For those of you IRL friends who read my blog but are so IRL that you don't even know what IRL means, that just means in real life.)

Sometimes when I see my IRLs, I shower, I put a little lipgloss on, wear the newest (least stained) clothes, pull myself together a little so I don't look like a General (so far from) fresh from battle.

I moved back to Florida to be nearer my largest collection of IRLs, because being a mother is harder than I expected and I just didn't (still don't!) think I was enjoying my life to the fullest because I was feeling so lonely while I did it. I missed the people I spent my life making relationships with, and it was just all magnified with Boom Boom's travel schedule, and the remote location we were living in (remote from my network) or the temporary places we were living in, and being outnumbered, overpowered and outdone by these lively children.

And even though I am now in my most familiar surrounding with the people I am most comfortable with and all the resources I wanted? I still have a hard time overcoming my daily mommy challenges, because this is seriously the hardest I have ever worked in my life.

The nature of having any kids is being held hostage to their schedules, moods, physical/mental/emotional ailments, being tired from packing, wiping, dressing, undressing, chasing, redressing, loading up, unloading, corralling, lugging, chasing and lifting and let me tell you something OBVIOUS - no one wants to do that for any other mother.

Well, except for another mother that can feel her pain.

Yesterday I was supposed to go to the beach with these 2 - which HAS GOT TO BE the most packing/prepping/tiring thing I can imagine for a day trip. And when I woke up to Eden screaming and Madee hollering as she skiddered down the hall I just didn't think I could do it.

Like, maybe I couldn't even get out of bed.

I texted my sister Emily.

::OMG please you HAVE to HELP ME!:: (or something to that effect)

I did blog stuff, I fed the kids. I tried to talk myself into or out of something.

An hour later my mom called.

I don't remember exactly what she said, but when I DO know she said I could bring the kids by and drop them off for a couple hours and that I didn't have to take the kids to the beach. And just knowing that she was 20 minutes away and wanted to help me lifted me up a little.

Or actually, a lot.

I texted my mommy friend and told her I couldn't make it to the beach.

And felt relieved.

This mommy friend? She's totally a new IRL friend.

And do you know what she texted back?

Something about it "taking a village" and she was bringing her nanny so we would have extra help, and she would bring the lunch and toys and all I had to do was get my kids in the car and drive.

And do you know what folks?

I put that screaming baby back to bed for a nap and pulled together all my loads of beach crap and whatever food we did have on hand and got those kids lubed up and suited and loaded in the car.

And I was SO glad I did.

At some point of the drive, windows down, music playing, I basked in the sounds of my kids in the backseat saying "Beach!" and "Boat!"and "Water!".

I was reminded of outings with my grandmother.

At some point, when I was laying in the shallowest of water, watching Madee and her buddy fling sand at each other (there's someone for everyone!), soaking in the warmth of the sun and playing splash with my little one, and I could hear the cicadas and the ocean and this hum of a motherhood so much greater than just my own.

Part of me wanted to grab my camera, but I just laid there and splashed and breathed and soaked it all in like so much water sparkling/sun shining/sand castle building, knowing that this was mine, all mine. And liking what I saw.

It takes a village.

And I just don't feel so lonely anymore.

Oh Hai. Wordless Wednesday

Project Mom Submish

So I have heard there is this new reality show they are casting for at BlogHer '10 (I'm not going) and I have seen some of the submissions so far and they just really seem so far off reality as I know it. In fact, I am almost grossed out that so many perfect moms who are so perfect on the perfect little blogs with their perfect textbook cases of perfectly moving stories or bunches of readers and oh the giveaways and well?

To me? All blogs are now the same.

In fact, this is my 5th blog and I have NEVER done a giveaway or an ad or a review, and although I jumped on the bandwagon to dotcom myself, I also jumped back off because I don't want just another cookie cutter stepford wifing, crafting, mothering, cooking, and creating my own kooky language that only my kids and readers who wish they were my kids would understand.

Nobody stalks me, I have no blog rival, I don't even understand how to get plugged into mommy-blogger drama and I am barely keeping my eyes open over here much less made up with mascara (like I even shower regularly) and posing for the camera.

My family is loud, I yell a lot, and I have 2 kids under 3 that equal half my body weight but always want to be held. Though exquisitely beautiful, these little creatures are trying to beat me like the dead horse I wake up looking/smelling like and I am just trying not to lose it one day at a time.

I don't talk about my loss, my depression, or my traumatic life experiences on my blog the way other mom-bloggers do because I only have the same stupid problems everybody else has, and they seem to make their problems sound SO MUCH better/worse than mine that I can only make fun of myself and make jokes to laugh through the pain which may possibly set me apart but mostly serves to keep me from crying.

I don't cry often, but if I start, it may go on for several days. Okay, seconds, because if I just stick in the movie Stepbrothers I will laugh so hard I can't cry anymore anyway. (I am totally in platonic love with funnyman/hairybeast Will Ferrell.)

I am recently located to my hometown, and launching a career as Pet Photographer in stinking sweaty hot Orlando, FL. So I am certainly trying to shower more often, lest I run into anybody I dated in high school. My degree is in English/Technical Writing, but only so I can claim to "poetic license" to get away with my own bad grammar and spelling.

Ha.

I am socially awkward and internet famous but not for being nice or anything.
My idea of dressing up is putting on a bra and earrings and I could stand to do it a little bit more often. I'm pretty cool as along as my Prozac is filled, my coffee cup is in hand and nobody is screaming at me, but seriously, my kids are pretty much always screaming at me.

We have 2 dogs that are always barking and 2 kittens that would be fearing for their lives from the 14 month old that is always trying to pop their adorable little heads off if they had the sense God gave a chicken.

These kids are the future of comedy, they are "in the 95 percentile" (which means nothing to me except that there are, somewhere, LARGER KIDS) and therefore seem huge next to other children their age (Godzilla Baby Wins!) and they are "breathtakingly beautiful" (someone else's words, not mine) and I spend a lot of my life in parentheses (trying to explain/rationalize/take back what I just said.)

Anyhoo, I am the Ally Sheedy of your mommy bloggers Breakfast Club and I want to kick Molly Ringwald's ass for still looking so pretty after having 4 kids and actually being able to afford lipgloss.

I was a much better mother before I had kids and I was just this annoying drunken single girl telling other people how to raise theirs at 6 in the morning at the IHOP.

People hate me. Then they love me. Then they join witness relocation because because maybe I'm not "right". Then they get the "itis" and start getting all twitchy and obsessed and want to wear my skin to their next birthday party. Whatever. I make new friends easily.

Why should you pick me for Project Mom? I will make all the other mothers seems so serious and professional and cultured.

Here's my video.

A Hostage Situation

Hey ya'll. I am having a moment of over-authenticity if that is possible, because normally, I hold back a little.

::side eye::

or ALOT depending on how you look at it.

I actually DO have a filter, and yes I am using it, because when things are "off the record" I definitely cuss more and I am trying to work on that. (promise!)

Anyhoo, I am sitting here, Day 3 without Boom Boom and the kids are taking over like Lord of the Flies. Not that I even remember that book, but I know my kids are violent and they think it is funny. Like take you hostage, hold you down shove crackers in your mouth maniacally laughing funny.

(BTW Madee's evil laugh goes "MWAHAHAHAHAHA! BOOBERRY MUFFIN! HA!" (whut?))

But I digress.

Point is, I often hold back a little. I have other outlets.

I mean, anything you write can be held against you and doing it publically makes one a target for other people's opinions, and I have just found that with life in general, I don't do well with other people's opinions.

Not to mention what about when Charlie runs for president and the national convention is all, "But your wife and that blog, I mean, I think we all just know TOO MUCH about her, if we were only bothered to read it at all."

Again with the digressing.

Thing is, right now I'm not holding back. (I have no other outlet.) ((It sucks to be alone with the kids for such an extended period of time.)) (((HELP ME!)))

Mostly.

Right now, I am 3 days in to being with the kids and they are going through QUITE A PHASE if you know what I mean.

(No, you probably don't.)

Eden is hateful. And when I say hateful I mean she scares me.

::i said HELP!!::

She is popping what could be a tooth or could be the next coming of Christ through her gums right now and let's just say when you say your prayers tonight, THANK THE LORD you are not stuck in a house with this baby.

She absolutely no question WILL bite you.

Madee? Well Madee just woke up from a nap and she covered her head in sunscreen earlier today and then fell asleep after playing "Zsa Zsa Gabor" in her new big girl room, so she woke up looking a little more, I don't know, French? Plus, she has started slapfighting. So we have that going for us.

Also? Eden slapfights me now whenever I pick her up. ((WEEEEEE!!!))

Anyhoo, I am about to throw on new NEW! episodes of SpongeBob and heat up (leftover) takeout for dinner because these kids are trying to kill me.

So I am just saying, if I show up dead, you know who did it (Madee) , and you know who was laughing the whole time shoving crackers in my mouth (Eden).

PS Bring wine to my funeral because I may or may not be faking it.

PSS You might should bring 2 bottles. Just saying.

Bodily Fluid-palooza

So it looks like we sold the RV.

And having done so, we went to go pick it up from the lot it was sitting at on consignment.

In Sebring.

A good 2 hours away.

And the first half of the ride certainly wasn't super, but the way back I was driving the girls and dogs by myself, which means no extra hands for entertaining and tending to things.

It was hot.

Like, really really really hot.

And Eden has decided to scream the entire drive home.

Madee was trying to take a nap at some point, but Eden kept waking her up by screaming or pulling her hair, whichever was more convenient.

It was awful.

It was really really really hot and awful and its only highlight was this trucker was totally signaling me that I was a hottie, but let's face it, he didn't have a very close look.

But thank you, trucker, because it was so nice to be thought of, for a moment at least, as something else than whatever it is these two kids think I am, even if it was really creepy.

::air kiss::
No seriously, keep driving creepy trucker.

Anyhoo, it was a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong drive, as you can imagine, and as we were pulling into our neighborhood and our driveway, I see that Eden is starting to look like she has worn herself out.

And Madee looks umm, tired, too. Tired, I think.

I leave the car on, air running, and grab Madee out of her booster and carry her into the house.

She's looking a little woozy and says "water" and I say, "Just a minute honey, I have to go grab your sister out of the running car."

I toss her a wet washcloth.

She tosses her cookies.
All over the couch.
All over herself.
All over her precious teetees (blankets)
All over the floor.

And I just kinda yell at her to get off the couch, and she's horrified that she is throwing up in the first place, so WHY AM I YELLING? Because I DON'T KNOW!

And I pull her off the couch onto the floor and she's still throwing up and the baby and the dog are still out in the running car.

And I want to just run away.

But I don't. It's gross. There is puke everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

I grab Madee, and a chair, set her up at the kitchen sink and tell her to start washing her hands.

I gotta run get Eden.

So I run out to the car and Eden is STILL SCREAMING and Zeus is barking, and I pull her out of the car, throw her into the house, run back, turn off the car, grab Zeus, keep a hold of his collar the entire time I walk him into the house, lest he run off/bark incessantly/gobble up all the cat food - because that dog will eat anything. ANYTHING!

The doors are still open on the car.

Madee is still crying but she has stayed puke free at the kitchen sink. Eden's diaper is is about to break open it is so full, so I pull at the tabs and it falls with a thud to the floor.

NO NO NO NO NO!!! BAD BAD BAD DOG!! Zeus is eating the puke that is ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM, so I grab him and throw him outside where he begins the incessant barking.

I turn around and throw Madee in the kitchen sink and start scrubbing her - puke is everywhere - in her hair, on her back, she is absolutely covered, I am gagging, dog is barking, Eden is making crazy screamy noises in the corner and have I mentioned Madee doesn't like to get her hair washed? Because this.kid.does.not.like.to.get.her.washed.

And now she is screaming BLOODY MURDER, in case her previous screaming wasn't enough.

But I have to run check on Eden, who is screaming in the corner, I can only guess to alert me of some terrible thing that has happened in the corner and oh, yes, a huge turd.

Well, that is something to scream about.

Remove baby from turd corner.
Zeus is barking.
Madee is crying.
Eden is doing that thing where she won't stand or lay down.
How is this baby so stiff?
Creepy.

LAY DOWN BABY!

So back to Madee, she needs to be rinsed (more screaming) and dried off, just heaving crying at this point.
Dog barking.
Baby screaming.
I turn around.

NO NO NO NO NO!!! BAD BAD BAD DOG!!
The other dog has the turd in her mouth.
I run to get said dog to throw her outside.

Slip in a pee puddle.
God only knows whose it is.

Remove turd.

Remove everything that has been puked on, and thankfully I cover everything in blankets, just in case of major catastrophes (but this is ridiculous).

Throw everything in the washer.

Diaper Eden, pour milk, throw her in her crib.

Diaper Madee, warm Sprite, in bed watching Diego.

This kind of thing NEVER happened when I worked at Starbucks.
I totally need a raise.

And a glass of wine.

PS I shut the car doors. Eventually.
PSS The dog is STILL barking.

Anniversary Shots

3 years
4 people
1 happy family

Best Fwends Thursday

Wordless Wednesday - Wedding

Summer Fun

These kids are too much fun. They absolutely LOVE the "sprayground". And what a great way to keep cool on these hot hot summer days.

I'd like to talk to someone about putting one in my driveway.

We have been discussing it for days, but we just can't put our finger on why this baby is so cute.

The curls! The lips!


Madee and I have been drawing tattoos on each other all summer. Mine look like scribbles. Hers are a little more sophisticated.

More cuteness. She LOVES Dada.

Okay, now in this picture, I cannot deny a family resemblance to cousin Rachel. Even though generally this one looks like my side of the family. Is it the lips? Or is it the trouble maker face?

I don't know.

But ALL the VD girls are gorgeous.

Which indicates some MAJAH future trouble for the rest of us!

Yeah, I totally eat her up on the daily.

Weekend Moments and Details

When we moved into this house, there was an established organic garden spitting out cabbages and tomatoes for our gastric pleasure.

It was SO COOL to eat something so fresh and clean and locally grown. But it isn't like I grew it.

But this guy? This guy I can totally claim as mine!

Meet Mr. Eggplant!

He's tiny so I will have to make a tampenade or some sort of bruschetta so that we can all share it!

Also? We got a little baby swing at a garage sale for $1 this weekend. (SCORE!)

So Eden can swing on our own playset now. Madee went first, and I waled her in the air because she's all, "higher! HIGHER!"

And then she threw up.

The cuteness we come home to.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

I love love LOVE taking the girls to church. They have so much fun, meet new FWENDS, and I have been trying to make some friends there, too.

Our church is totally cazh, but yesterday, Madee wore the Easter dress I bought her that she hadn't even put on yet. It was freezing in Duluth for Easter, so it has been sitting back in the closet.

She's quite the head turner. Especially in a pretty dress. I mean, dress a little girl up and walk around town, in a store take her to a restaurant. You wouldn't believe how many people have to stop and stare and say something and tear up and soak in that moent when they see her.

She is a vision.

A vision of hope for the future, of faith in humanity, of kindness of strangers. She brings smiles to the surliest of faces.

She changes the world a face at a time.

Oh, Ammo. What a dude. He is still quite the lover. Also? A lover of the cat food. He has gotten so big he can no longer fit under the gate for the backyard fence. Yet still too young/naive/dumb to climb over. So if he finds himself in the back yard, he just meeeeaaaaaaaaaooooows until somebody opens the gate for him.

Goodness.
Oh. Goodness again.

Highlights of the weekend?

Friday - Hanging with sister Emily and then meeting the rest of the family for some yummy Sweet Tomatoes. I love love LOVE getting to spend so much time with them.

Also, Friday? Boom Boom got to surf.

Have you seen his new surfboard? It's almost as HAWT as he is in the water.


Saturday?

MORE surfing for Dad.
Garage sales for me, Mom and Em.
things I found:
a "D" for the alphabet wall.
a killer basket for the zen bathroom
Shrek DVD (SCORE!)
organizer cube storage bench for Madee's room to organize toys
Fisher Price infant to toddler outdoor swing

Also, I rented a 15mm 2:8 fisheye lens for my best friend's birthday shoot.
I used it alot.
I cried when I saw the pictures.
So I can only imagine what she will do when she sees them.
Here's a sneakity preview.