I don't know about you, but every once in awhile, I have a major freak out. Also? I wrestle with guilt like it's a crazed freaking monkey that just won't loose it's rabid bite.
In related news, it is possible that I have contracted a nasty case of the Stockholm Syndrome.
It is hard for me to get away from my kids. Not only am I a stay at home mom (SAHM), but I have raging abandonment issues as well as a perceived helplessness when it comes to finding new babysitters.
And I get caught in the robot cycle of breakfast nap lunch nap dinner bath bed breakfast nap lunch nap dinner bath bed breakfast nap lunch nap dinner bath bed breakfast nap lunch nap dinner bath bed breakfast nap lunch nap dinner bath bed and all the stuff in between so it is hard for me to stick to plans, make plans, have hope for plans.
Sometimes I try to take both the kids somewhere, but just getting them in and out of the car sometimes feels like such an enormous chore I get even more tired and haggard just considering it.
And there are many things I get done in a day, but also so many more on my list that don't get done, and when I do have a chance to start getting to those other things, taking time for myself feels more and more impossible.
And then I just start to feel bad, and I start getting more easily upset by the kids. I get tired of the whining and the needing and the complaining.
And this has happened several times. After the first few times, I tried yoga. I would sit at yoga in whatever relaxing pose ohm-ing on the outside but panicking on the inside that the house was on fire and my baby's were dying and what if Charlie couldn't get everybody out in time and OHMAHGAH the dogs and...I just couldn't even stop my mind from the irrational thoughts.
So I got on the Prozac.
And after a little while it still all came back, so I got on more of the Prozac.
And we moved back to my home and my family so I would feel supported by my familiar surroundings and THAT HAS BEEN AWESOME.
But I am still not getting enough sleep or enough time away from the kids.
Also? When Charlie brings this up and tries to get me to go somewhere? I FIGHT WITH HIM.
Anyhoo, I am going to start Mommy's Time Out Fridays.
This is a 52 week project whereby I will get out by myself or with others with home I do not live for a minimum of 1 time a week.
I really really need this, and I am sucky with follow through, and I need to let myself breathe and just be that part of me who isn't cleaning, cooking, wiping noses, changing diapers, saying "no!" time outing, running, grabbing milk and juice and, well, you know, just be that part of me I have always been.
Also? By posting my outing for the week I feel more committed to making sure it happens. So this week's Mommy's Time Out:
Every good Time Out for Mommy starts at Starbucks. Grande Americano with room, please. And thank you.
Then? A meander around Whole Foods. Spray all the aromatherapies, check out testers of make ups and lotions. Walk slowly and deliberately up and down every aisle. Stop and linger in the book section. Linger even longer in the fancy single beers section. Don't forget we need coffee.
Who wouldn't want to start the morning with a "Pleasant Morning Buzz"? I mean, that sounds perfect for this overtired Mommy. Also? Pumice stone. My feet embarrass me at the moment. Hmmm, Anti-Bac face scrubby. Yay! Incense for the laundry room, a little "booty" and some natural bug spray for my eaten up kiddos. (Also a major source of stress in my world right now.)
And to top it all off?
A Turbodog. Oh, and a good chummy girly visit to Julie's house to talk about stuff other than the kids. And drink my awesome Turbodog. I am now considering renaming one of the cats Turbodog. I just want to say that word alot.
So there you have it. Number 1 out of 52. or 1/52.
And the next morning I woke up a better Mama with more love for my kiddos. And that is a serious good thing.
Tampa Area Photographer
6 years ago