Monday, July 26, 2010

A Hostage Situation

Hey ya'll. I am having a moment of over-authenticity if that is possible, because normally, I hold back a little.

::side eye::

or ALOT depending on how you look at it.

I actually DO have a filter, and yes I am using it, because when things are "off the record" I definitely cuss more and I am trying to work on that. (promise!)

Anyhoo, I am sitting here, Day 3 without Boom Boom and the kids are taking over like Lord of the Flies. Not that I even remember that book, but I know my kids are violent and they think it is funny. Like take you hostage, hold you down shove crackers in your mouth maniacally laughing funny.

(BTW Madee's evil laugh goes "MWAHAHAHAHAHA! BOOBERRY MUFFIN! HA!" (whut?))

But I digress.

Point is, I often hold back a little. I have other outlets.

I mean, anything you write can be held against you and doing it publically makes one a target for other people's opinions, and I have just found that with life in general, I don't do well with other people's opinions.

Not to mention what about when Charlie runs for president and the national convention is all, "But your wife and that blog, I mean, I think we all just know TOO MUCH about her, if we were only bothered to read it at all."

Again with the digressing.

Thing is, right now I'm not holding back. (I have no other outlet.) ((It sucks to be alone with the kids for such an extended period of time.)) (((HELP ME!)))


Right now, I am 3 days in to being with the kids and they are going through QUITE A PHASE if you know what I mean.

(No, you probably don't.)

Eden is hateful. And when I say hateful I mean she scares me.

::i said HELP!!::

She is popping what could be a tooth or could be the next coming of Christ through her gums right now and let's just say when you say your prayers tonight, THANK THE LORD you are not stuck in a house with this baby.

She absolutely no question WILL bite you.

Madee? Well Madee just woke up from a nap and she covered her head in sunscreen earlier today and then fell asleep after playing "Zsa Zsa Gabor" in her new big girl room, so she woke up looking a little more, I don't know, French? Plus, she has started slapfighting. So we have that going for us.

Also? Eden slapfights me now whenever I pick her up. ((WEEEEEE!!!))

Anyhoo, I am about to throw on new NEW! episodes of SpongeBob and heat up (leftover) takeout for dinner because these kids are trying to kill me.

So I am just saying, if I show up dead, you know who did it (Madee) , and you know who was laughing the whole time shoving crackers in my mouth (Eden).

PS Bring wine to my funeral because I may or may not be faking it.

PSS You might should bring 2 bottles. Just saying.


litanyofbritt said...

HA! You're likely to get stabbed to death with a ightsaber over these parts. And my two year old has two sets of boxing gloves. And he uses both. Frequently. That's why sometimes wine starts at 1 in the afternoon over here.

If I went to your funeral I would have to drink one bottle on the way there, or else I would definately have a heart attack when you jumped out of your casket, pointing and yelling "FOOLED YA!".

But then again, there would already *be* a casket and funeral available, and I have always been kind of cheap. I'm assuming I would get a discount on a used funeral. You would kind of owe me that much don't you think. Plus you'd have that whole second bottle to yourself.

Jerseygyrl said...

Hahahahahahaha!!! I'm sorry... But I spit coffee on my monitor reading this.. It's even funnier because I know these sweet devils that you speak of.. Shall I make brownies and bring them to your rescue?
Love you Boo!

Family Sized Fun said...

nah - the sugar just makes them act all aggro!

miss you too!

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